"After the attacks in Orlando, I thought maybe the government might do their job and pass any kind of law – even a fig leaf to justify their existence," Colbert began, the day after senators failed to scare up enough bipartisan support to pass a series of gun control measures
"Well, for thinking that, I owe myself an apology," the CBS late-night star said.
"They couldn't even agree to keep people on the Terror Watch List from buying high powered assault rifles! It's easy to feel hopeless," he said.
"I don't understand you, senators! Ninety-two percent of Americans want to expand background checks for gun buyers, and you ignore them! Since when does just 8% of the population get to have total control of an issue?" he asked, angrily.
"I'm sorry. I know how hard it must be to be in the senate and find common ground in such a politically fraught issue and — You know what? (expletive deleted). I'm going to take the gloves off."
And then he did.
Hey Senate! My dog accomplished more than you this week, when it rolled over and licked its nuts!
Hey Senate! I've seen bugs trapped in amber move faster than you!
Hey! You guys think a Terrorists Watch List is when you put 'Homeland' on your Netflix queue!
Hey! You might as well ask the gun lobby to check for a hernia as long as they've got your balls in their hands!
Senate! You couldn't pass a bill if it was coasted in Ex-Lax. But if you ever did pass a bill it would say 'Be it resolved: No kissing and the NRA should just leave the money on the dresser'!
Senate! You accomplished so little that Kylie Jenner wants to now what the hell you do for a living!
Senate! you got more old white men lying around than a Life Alert ad!
You are so divided, you couldn't come together if you had 30 hours and a reach-around from Sting!
You're like a grandpa after an all starch dinner. You cannot get (squat) done!