IS OBAMA A CLOSET ANTI-SEMITE? - OBAMA ENDORSES HILLARY

Phyllis Carter

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March 18, 2016

IS OBAMA A CLOSET ANTI-SEMITE? 
OBAMA ENDORSES HILLARY - 
OBAMA DOES NOT ENDORSE BERNIE SANDER'S VALUES.

IS THIS A HOAX?

linkedin_endorsement

WASHINGTON, DC—Following Hillary Clinton's success yesterday on Super Tuesday, President Obama issued a long-awaited announcement: he has officially endorsed her on LinkedIn for her Microsoft Office XP skills.

The professional networking site encourages colleagues to click a button to endorse each other for hard and soft job skills such as time management, public speaking, and Photoshop.

"I know the entire world has been eagerly waiting for the moment I publicly endorse Hillary on Linked in dot com," Obama told reporters from the Oval Office. "I know there's been a lot of will-he-won't-he. Well, the moment has finally arrived. It's a busy and stressful time in Hillary's career. I thought she could use a little boost."

Obama explains that he logged in to LinkedIn this morning because he realized he had done some cat sitting in the late '70s but had never added it to his resume. Moments after arriving on the website, a little box popped up that said, "Would you like to endorse Hillary for Microsoft XP?" Obama hesitated for a few minutes while he considered Clinton's familiarity and level of ease with the software, ultimately deciding she did in fact use it deftly enough to warrant his clicking "Yes".

Upon learning of Obama's endorsement ten minutes later, Clinton abruptly walked out of her speaking event in Arlington, Virginia mid-sentence, and flew to the White House to hold an emergency press conference.

"I am honoured, humbled, and eternally grateful for President Obama's endorsement," Clinton told an audience of four tourists who happened to be milling about on the front lawn, snapping photos. A middle-aged man in a cowboy hat and an American flag Speedo clapped erratically.

"I can't think of a single endorsement that would mean more to me. Well, maybe I can think of one, or whatever. But the fact that the President has taken notice of my dexterity with basic word processing software makes me confident that I am exactly where I'm meant to be in my career."

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