Considering my experience as a crime victim in Montreal, it occurred to me that I am in a position to give advice to those who are considering becoming thieves but don't know how to go about it.
If I were going to write a manual for aspiring thieves, I would probably include the following:
If you try to rob a bank or a store, the police will likely take an interest and there is some risk that you will eventually get caught, especially if your crime is caught on camera. If not, you'll probably be home free unless someone shoots you. You might be arrested and detained - at least briefly - but if you can't afford a lawyer, I believe you will be entitled to legal aid. So you won't be on your own the way I am as a crime victim.
In time, you may face a judge, unless your lawyer makes a deal for you. If, by chance you get a lawyer who is a drunk or disinterested or incompetent or not in good standing with the judge, it is possible you might have to serve some time in jail, but sooner or later, you will see a parole board and be free to try again. Meanwhile in jail, you will be entitled to a free place to sleep, food, medical care, library books, and other benefits.
Now here is the really important advice. If you rob a family, there is a high possibility that you can take whatever they have and nothing will happen to you. Be sure that you do not injure any person or animal or break any property while committing the robbery. And always speak softly and smile. In my case, the thief, Dawn McSweeney, even wrote adoring poetry to the grandmother she was robbing.
If the person is a relative, you have nothing to worry about. It's a cinch. In any case, befriend the person who has authority in the home and make her feel you care about her. Take it slowly. Don't rush. In my case, the thief waited many years to rob me and my parents. Divert your target's attention by casting aspersions on another person, especially anyone who might suspect you.
When you have access to the house, work on the woman. (Men may be harder to fool and they are usually not at home anyway.) Go for the woman, especially if she is elderly and lonely.
Look for opportunities to get some time alone. Ask for tea - not beer. You can get a real drink and a smoke later. Then work quickly and quietly. If the victim falls asleep for a while, great. Do not disturb.
Get back to your seat on the sofa before she is aware. Make small talk. Do not leave quickly. Sit and sip your tea and chat about pleasant things. Keep the mark comfortable, but play on her fears and get her to believe you are her friend.
If by any chance the home owner realizes you have stolen her most precious belongings, deny, deny, deny. Laugh. How ridiculous can you get? You can even suggest the victim is delusional. In my case, Dawn McSweeney's "partners in crime" obtained a court order by presenting a bizarre application to a Quebec Court judge declaring that I was insane and dangerous. A Quebec Court judge granted the court order in absentia, without ever seeing me or speaking to me. There was no evidence, no medical report, and no witnesses - except the partners in crime themselves - in Montreal, Quebec, Canada in 2007.
If your victim calls 911, don't touch her. Get out of there and disappear. Do not injure anyone or smash anything or the police might take an interest.
I know that this advice is solid - based on personal experience. But of course, I could not write such a manual. I imagine it might be considered illegal. Of course, I cannot afford a lawyer to advise me about this, and I am not entitled to legal aid as I am a crime victim, not a criminal.
Still, if I did write such a book and I was accused of doing wrong, I would then have the advantage of being entitled to all the benefits accorded to other criminals in Montreal, Quebec, Canada - benefits and advantages and perks and deals that I do not have as a crime victim.
Anyway, I am too old and sick to invest myself in writing a book. But I have reported the evidence of my own experience in specific detail and people all over the world are reading it. At last count - 15,000 plus page views at PHYLLIS CARTER'S JOURNAL
and 4600 page views at THE DAWN MCSWEENEY ROBBERY CASE.
THE DAWN MCSWEENEY ROBBERY CASE
PHYLLIS CARTER'S JOURNAL
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