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January 16, 2015

Phyllis Carter

It can be frustrating to be a child. You are virtually powerless. It can be frustrating to be a parent. The endless demands of caring for a family can drain you until you break. There should be help, back-up, for those times when you just can't handle so much. Family, friends, and something more. In my experience taking care of my darling husband during the last few months of his life, I was so tired, my hair hurt. I never knew your hair could actually hurt.

I adored Cliff. I refused to give him up to a residence even when a doctor in the hospital emergency told me I was going to die if I didn't. Nothing would make me give him up. And the CLSC (Quebec community clinic and social services) would only provide a few hours of help each week - very few hours, just long enough for me to get groceries and no more.

Some of the care givers were good people. One used water that was painfully hot for Cliff's showers while he preached to him from the bible. One woman failed to take care of his very basic needs. When I caught her and threw her out of my apartmemnt, she raised her skirt and showed me her bottom. The CLSC told me they fired her.

When you love someone, you would give everything to protect and care for them, but sometimes you get so tired. The doctor in the emergency was right. My health was drained by the failure of the Quebec social system to provide basic support for survival.

Soon after Cliff died, I became very ill. It turned out to be cancer. I am still fighting for my life every day.

PHYLLIS CARTER'S JOURNAL

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