Friday, December 27, 2013


In the early years, dogmatic Christians repudiated the Gnostics ... those who sought knowledge. 
Today, there are millions of people who do not want to know. They want to adhere to the old teachings and bow to their leaders and their customs ... and don't bother me with questions. Anyone who presents doubt is quickly silenced in one way or another.
When I started exploring the critical question of the divinity of Jesus, one of the nicest men in my Anglican church said, "You were sent by the devil to disrupt the lesson". All I had done was ask which version of the bible the reader was reading from.
Obey, "Conform", my first minister told me. That was a huge mistake. 
I asked to be baptized because I felt I wanted to be baptized, not because someone thought I should be baptized. 
I invited Jesus into my life at a critical time. I was widowed. I had lost the love of my life, my husband, Cliff  Carter. I was unemployed. I was homeless. I was scorned by members of my Jewish family. I was suffering from cancer and the effects of chemo therapy and radiation. I was bald. That was the least of my worries. I was reaching out for hope, a way to go on living in spite of all the fear and pain.
I was reaching for something that made sense. And at that time, I felt that Jesus was real and he was with me, and he was good and he had the power to heal and make things better. I was not alone. No matter what any person said or did, I walked with Jesus - if not the flesh and blood Son of God - in a way different from everyone else - he too was a victim and he had come through. Somehow he survived, and so could I.
Since then, I have continued to ask questions. Intellectually, I am not a believer. But there is an aspect of me that is very spiritual. Strangely enough, science gives me hope that there is a Creator who made everything and sustains all the universes. Don't laugh: String Theory - and not the bible - gives me hope, if not faith.

I have always asked questions. I am an investigator by profession. A Pinkerton detective in the 1970's. Before that, I was a detective for Buck Fortin of West End Investigation in Montreal.
Before that, I was a curious journalist concerned with justice, always justice. Even as a child, I was driven by a profound need for justice.... not for myself, but for the underdog, the innocent, the victim of bullies, the bird with the injured wing, the stray puppy, the twelve year boy who was insulted by a sassy girl. 
And my curiosity was boundless  - even annoying. As a little girl, I was always asking my father the same question over and over again, " Daddy, why?" Always, "Daddy, why?"
And my wonderful father told me stories and took me to second hand book stores and to the movies and he took me for long walks and answered  my questions. And when he did not have the answer, he took out his volumes of The Book of Knowledge and searched for the answer. My father loved books and I loved stories. And so, as I grew up, I asked questions. I always ask questions.
Phyllis Carter

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1 comment:

Phyllis Carter said...

Following the loss of my darling husband, the cancer treatments and all the rest, I was attacked by my own mother and robbed by my teenage niece, Dawn McSweeney, with the help of a Montreal Police officer. Details at All this happened from the time of Cliff's death in 1992 to October 7, 1996, the day I was attacked and robbed. Dawn McSweeney is still free to enjoy everything she stole from me and from my family with the help of those she calls her "partners in crime" because the Montreal Police refuse to take any action in this criminal case.