Thursday, February 10, 2011


February 10, 2011
Will you be single this valentine's day? Share your coping methods here
My beloved husband, Cliff Carter, died in 1992. He was a few days short of his 90th birthday. He is in my heart every day and every night. While we were together for almost twenty years, I went to sleep singing and I woke up singing. I washed dishes singing and we sang together professionally. The audience always thought we were singing for them, but, in truth, we sang only for each other. Since then, I skip Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve and Valentines" Day when we used to enjoy some of our happiest times. Like the bitter winter weather, I wait for them to pass and then get on with life. But I keep Cliff's memory alive by sharing my memories of him with the world. SEE MR. NOSTALGIA, CLIFF CARTER at
Halia ‎@Phyllis, I wish for, what you spoke of, so beautiful. My XH was a jerk, I know.....but many men are good souls. I look forward to meeting such fine men as Cliff. Cheers to you on that day.
Halia, I so appreciate your message. The problem is we tend to generalize. There are good people and bad people. Most people are good some of the time and bad some of the time. We have to be very careful about who we choose to be with - mates, husbands, friends, even employers and landlords. We have to choose carefully who we let into our lives. And if someone abuses us, we have to get help and/or get out fast. In the past, women had to stay with their mates because they had no way to earn a living and take care of their children without a man. And society supported that system. Now, it is better to starve than to stay with an abuser. You can find help. I have gone through bad times, sick, homeless, destitute, living in shelters and in my old car, my clothes in garbage bags. It was not because of an abusive relationship, but because after Cliff died, I couldn't find work and because of all the grief and struggle, I got very sick. But I did find friends who helped me when the cold, heartless social system failed. Do not stay in an abusive relationship. If no one loves you, love yourself enough to fight for a better life.

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